The Soapbox: Rants and Commentary: Reggie White, American Icon By David Anderson, Jr(oommp@webspan.net) I've been reading a lot about Reggie White lately. I mean, a whole lot. Bucket loads. Enough to be sick of already, not that it ever takes much to make me sick. I, as always, have a few observations and questions about The Minister of Defense, and then some questions about ourselves. Let's cover the background briefly first. Reggie was addressing the Wisconsin legislature not too long ago. There are a whole host of jokes that can be made about this at the expense of the glorious state of Wisconsin, but far be it for me to make cheap and cruel cracks at a place so obviously in need of SOMETHING TO DO. I'll get back to that. So, the good Reverend Reggie is up in front of the most powerful people in Wisconsin, (a quick pause while we all ponder that phrase for a moment, the Wisconsin State Senate must look like a flannel convention) and he launches into this extraordinarily racist and bigoted diatribe about God's melting pot. You see, us whities are good at handling money. (This is assumed to include the Jews, because they're white and they are also good with money.) The blacks, well, they're good at spiritualism, like the Lutherans and Baptists and Prespeterians and Voodoo Witch Doctors. The Orientals are good at inventing stuff, I guess like... well... they're good at improving stuff that's already been invented. (A little oversight on the Reverend's part, but you'll have to forgive him. The smell of gun oil in the Wisconsin Senate was becoming overpowering.) Then the Hispanics were good at family stuff, because they can cram a whole lot of themselves into an itty-bitty living space. Of course, the gays, or fruits as Homer Simpson likes to call them, are just plain evil and have strayed from the path of righteousness. This coming from a man who tackles people for a living. Believe it or not, America, all Reggie White does for a living is tackle people. He hasn't discovered a cure for AIDS, or even Athlete's Foot. He just tackles people. Now, what is important is, he's tackled more people than anyone else. This, of course, gives him some sort of insight, some form of wisdom the Wisconsin Senate needed to hear. That's why he was invited. Now, I know what a lot of people are going to say. They say the Wisconsin Senate wanted to hear about Reggie's charity work. That is why he was invited to speak. They didn't get that. I love it when things like this happen. What happened instead was the whole world was reminded you don't have to be a brain surgeon to tackle people. Heck, if you could be a brain surgeon, I imagine you would be a brain surgeon. However, the Wisconsin Senate, then we as a Nation, gave the man a forum, a podium upon which to pontificate. By the end of his speech, flagellation would have been preferable to pontification. He showed a kind of submissive racism and bigotry that is usually arch typed to the cocaine-snorting white yuppie upper crust. Instead, we find it in an athlete who came from nothing, who preaches the word of "God", and who tackles people. Perhaps what the big problem is isn’t the fact that Reggie White is a borderline idiot with severely repressed racist and bigoted concerns. This should come as no shock to anyone who realizes he just tackles people for a living. Perhaps what the problem is, is that the Wisconsin Senate was not able to find anyone better to speak before them. Perhaps what the problem is that we as a nation really need to find something better to do with our time, instead of listening to our athletes speak. They play sports. That is all they really do well. Perhaps we should relegate them to that duty and that duty alone, and listen to someone with something coherent and relevant to say instead. How about a scientist, who, I bet, would only talk about science? (Few scientists have ever been able to make social commentary without sounding as silly Reggie, but most are smart enough to keep their orations to something they know.) How about a military leader, an activist, hell, how about a stand up comedian? Of course, Reggie could stick to talking about something he knows very well. Repeat it with me, America. He tackles people. I should explain my title before I finish this. I called Reggie White an "American Icon". Now, checking with my handy dandy Microsoft Encarta, it seems icon is defined as: An image or representation. This Reggie White indeed is. He is a representation of the still underlying current of racism and bigotry, the kind that is born of ignorance and misunderstanding. He is a representation of idiocy on more levels than I can count. Most importantly, he is a representation of of our own fickle folly, because we listened to him in the first place. After all, he just tackles people. Back To Rants and Commentary

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