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QUOTABLES

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Quotes By Famous People

Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain

Hell is other people.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-- Galileo Galilei

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

In the long run, we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.
--Sheldon Kopp

The unexamined life is not worth living
-- Socrates

All the fun's in how you say a thing.
--Robert Frost

People screw up, computers just make it faster.
--Jaime Davidson

He's dead. He doesn't care if I paraphrase.
--Jaime Davidson

Give, expecting nothing thereof.
--St. Thomas Aqinas

It's life with the mute button on.
--Tim Hulsey about walkmans

Love never dies, it just changes form.
--Ryan Maple

Don't be afraid to take a big step when one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small steps.
-- David Lloyd George

It takes a strong stomach to live in a free society.
--Tim Hulsey

I drew a really weird, obtuse cartoon that no one understood and wasn't funny and therefore I went on to even greater success and recognition. Yeah, I like this country.
-- Gary Larson, writing about "Cow Tools"

Poetry is the synthesis of hyacinths and biscuits.
-- Carl Sandurg

It takes a long time to become young.
-- Pablo Picasso

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
-- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
-- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat

His ignorance is encyclopedic
-- Abba Eban (1915-)

If a man does his best, what else is there?
-- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
-- A. J. Liebling (1904-1963)

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
-- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
-- Saint Augustine (354-430)

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-- Galileo Galilei

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
-- Emile Zola (1840-1902)

This book fills a much-needed gap.
-- Moses Hadas (1900-1966) in a review

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
-- definition of happiness by John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
-- e e cummings (1894-1962)

Give me a museum and I'll fill it.
-- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)

Assassins!
-- Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra

I'll moider da bum.
-- Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
-- Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
-- Rene Descartes (1596-1650), Discours de la Methode

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
-- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
-- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

Do, or do not. There is no 'try'.
-- Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back')

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
-- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
-- unknown

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
-- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

I'll sleep when I'm dead.
-- Warren Zevon

There are people in the world so hungry that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
-- Mahatma Ghandi (1869-1948)

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
-- Jean Cocteau (1889-1963)

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

Wit is educated insolence.
-- Aristotle (284-322 B.C.)

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates (470-399 B.C.)

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
-- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
-- Gore Vidal

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
-- Antoine de St. Exupery

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
-- Samuel Palmer (1805-80)

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
-- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
-- Guy Davenport

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
-- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
-- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
-- Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
-- Paul Dirac (1902-1984)

I would have made a good Pope.
-- Richard M. Nixon (1913-1994)

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
-- John von Neumann (1903-1957)

The mistakes are all waiting to be made.
-- chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956) on the game's opening position

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
-- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)

Grove giveth and Gates taketh away.
-- Bob Metcalfe (inventor of Ethernet) on the trend of hardware speedups not being able to keep up with software demands

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
-- H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

What do you take me for, an idiot?
-- General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
-- Bill Hirst

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
-- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

Logic is in the eye of the logician.
-- Gloria Steinem

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
-- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
-- Martin Fraquhar Tupper

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
-- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
-- Goethe (1749-1832)

In the end, everything is a gag.
-- Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
-- Lucille S. Harper

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
-- Yogi Berra

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
-- Walt Disney (1901-1966)

He who hesitates is a damned fool.
-- Mae West (1892-1980)

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
-- Gail Godwin

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
-- Henry Kissinger (1923-)

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
-- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
-- Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
-- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
-- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)

I am not young enough to know everything.
-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
-- General George Patton (1885-1945)

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
-- Katherine Cebrian

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
-- Steven Wright

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
-- Gioacchino Rossini (1792-1868)

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure. "
-- Oliver Herford (1863-1935)

I have read your book and much like it.
-- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

The covers of this book are too far apart.
-- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
-- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
-- Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971)

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
-- Voltaire (1694-1778)

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
-- Mae West (1892-1980)

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
-- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)

No Sane man will dance.
-- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)

Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
-- Robert Frost (1874-1963)

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
-- Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)

Vote early and vote often.
-- Al Capone (1899-1947)

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Hell is other people.
-- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

I am become death, shatterer of worlds.
-- Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing from the Bhagavadgita, after witnessing the world's first nuclear explosion)

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
-- Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. "
-- Thomas Jones

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
-- Al Capone (1899-1947)

The gods too are fond of a joke.
-- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
-- Gloria Leonard

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
-- Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
-- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

Attention to health is life greatest hindrance.
-- Plato (427-347 B.C.)

Plato was a bore.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.
-- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
-- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

Hemingway was a jerk.
-- Harold Robbins

How can I lose to such an idiot?
-- A shout from chessmaster Aaron Nimzovich (1886-1935)

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
-- Woody Allen (1935-)

I don't feel good.
-- The last words of Luther Burbank (1849-1926)

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. "
-- Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)

Men have become the tools of their tools.
-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
-- Richard J. Ferris, president of United Airlines

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
-- Gore Vidal

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
-- Woody Allen (1935-)

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
-- Abba Eban (1915-)

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
-- Charles William Stubbs

Sanity is a madness put to good uses.
-- George Santayana (1863-1952)

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
-- Fred Allen (1894-1956)

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. "
-- Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
-- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)

Why don't you write books people can read?
-- Nora Joyce to her husband James (1882-1941)

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
-- T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
-- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
-- Tom Stoppard

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
-- Karl Wallenda

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
-- Sun Tzu

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
-- Lao-Tzu (570?-490? BC)

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
-- Alan Kay

Never mistake motion for action.
-- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

Hell is paved with good samaritans.
-- William M. Holden

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

Silence is argument carried out by other means.
-- Ernesto "Che"Guevara (1928-1967)

Well done is better than well said.
-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

The average person thinks he isn't.
-- Father Larry Lorenzoni

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
-- William Congreve (1670-1729)

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
-- Helen Rowland (1876-1950)

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
-- Perelman

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

There is a country is Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
-- Sigfried Hulzer

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
-- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
-- Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943

I think it would be a good idea.
-- Mahatma Ghandi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of Western civilization

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
-- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
-- Will Rogers (1879-1935)

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
-- Will Rogers (1879-1935)

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
-- Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
-- Irving Kristol

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
-- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

640K ought to be enough for anybody.
-- Bill Gates (1955-), in 1981

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
-- A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
-- H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
-- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

Everything that can be invented has been invented.
-- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
-- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
-- Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato)

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
-- last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
-- Tom Clancy

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), "The Prince

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
-- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
-- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

Half this game is ninety percent mental.
-- Yogi Berra

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
-- Bill Wulf

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
-- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
-- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
-- Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run. -- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

He would make a lovely corpse.
-- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
-- Irvin S. Cobb

I worship the quicksand he walks in.
-- Art Buchwald

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
-- Paul Valery (1871-1945)

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
-- General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)

#3 pencils and quadrille pads.
-- Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I; he also recommended using the back side of the pages so that the lines were not so dominant.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
-- Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when was informed that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
-- Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon on why his works on celestial mechanics make no mention of God.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
-- Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

The truth is more important than the facts.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain

Intellectuals are people who use too many words to describe more than they know.
-- Dwight Eisenhower

One must begin in one's own life the private solutions that only in turn become public solutions.
-- Wendell Perry

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
-- Albert Einstein

I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
-- Brilliant

I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?
-- Benjamin Disraeli

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Einstein

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
-- Scott Adams

....I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
-- Thomas Edison

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.
-- Johann Sebastian Bach

Never pray for justice, because you might get some.
-- Margaret Atwood

They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
-- Edgar Allan Poe

Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content.
-- Louis L'Amour

Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training.
-- Anna Freud

It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.
-- Decouvertes

We will either find a way or make one.
-- Hannibal

Education is the best provision for old age.
-- Aristotle

All things change, nothing perishes.
-- Ovid

To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
-- Carl Sagan

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
-- Dave Barry

No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical.
-- Niels Bohr

Truth is not determined by majority vote.
-- Doug Gwyn

A teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary.
-- Thomas Carruthers

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.
-- Robert C. Gallagher

Until the lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter.
-- African Proverb

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
-- Scott Adams

They come to see; they come that they themselves may be seen.
-- Ovid

Every man is like the company he is wont to keep.
-- Euripides

Extreme remedies are very appropriate for extreme diseases.
-- Hippocrates

Who can refute a sneer?
-- William Paley

One kind kiss before we part, Drop a tear and bid adieu; Though we sever, my fond heart Till we meet shall pant for you.
-- Robert Dodsley

Good bye, proud world! I'm going home; Thou art not my friend, and I'm not thine.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.
-- Lord Byron

There is nothing so powerful as truth, -- and often nothing so strange.
-- Daniel Webster

There is no mistake; there has been no mistake; and there shall be no mistake.
-- Duke of Wellington

Thus hand in hand through life we 'll go; Its checker'd paths of joy and woe With cautious steps we 'll tread.
-- Nathaniel Cotton

Libertas et natale solum: fine words! I wonder where you stole 'em.
-- Jonathan Swift

Who are a little wise the best fools be.
-- Dr. John Donne

The remedy is worse than the disease.
-- Francis Bacon

I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
-- Jack Handey

A little more than kin, and less than kind.
-- William Shakespeare

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
-- The Cowboy's Guide to Life

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving in words evidence of the fact.
-- George Eliot

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.
-- Jack Handy

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
-- Mario Andretti

When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.
-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

I'm a scientist; nothing shocks me.
-- Indiana Jones

I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.
-- the Wizard of Oz

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
-- Woody Allen

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
-- Bill Vaughan

Life is a zoo in a jungle.
-- Peter De Vries

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.
-- Danny Kaye

There is no great concurrence between learning and wisdom.
-- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)

Health food makes me sick.
-- Calvin Trillin

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
-- Homer Simpson

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
-- Woody Allen

Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it; if you are sick, you shouldn't take it.
-- Henry Ford

It is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly.
-- Anatole France

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
-- Fred Allen (1894-1956)

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
-- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

The ark was built by amateurs, and the Titanic by the experts. Don't wait for the experts.
-- Murray Cohen

Hard work beats all the tonics and vitamins in the world.
-- Col. Harland Sanders

There is no such thing as time that doesn't count.
-- Charles Stanley

One never realizes how much and how little he knows until he starts talking.
-- Louis L'amour

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
-- Dennis Fakes

If you want an accounting of your worth, count on your friends.
-- Merry Browne

The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small small stones.
-- Chinese Proverb

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
-- Jack Handy

Show me a thoroughly satisfied man -- and I will show you a failure.
-- Thomas Edison

The things we fear most in organizations--fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances -- are the primary sources of creativity.
-- Margaret J. Wheatley

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
-- Dorothy Nevill

I am becoming convinced that anybody who gives anybody else any advice ought to spend forty days in the desert both before and after.
-- Flannery O'connor

Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.
-- Cicero

Action is the only answer to conquer fear.
-- Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

Knowing is not enough; we must act / Willing is not enough; we must do.
-- Goethe

Mine! Mine! It's all mine!
-- D. Duck

If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it.
-- Stanley Garn

The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.
-- Wilson Mizner

It takes a lot of time being a genius -- you have to sit around so much doing nothing.
-- Gertrude Stein

There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.
-- Aldous Huxley

Nature is a mutable cloud which is always and never the same.
-- Ralph W. Emerson

People will not look forward to posterity who never look backward to their ancestors.
-- Edmund Burke

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
-- Neil Peart

People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise.
-- Somerset Maughm

The future ain't what it used to be.
-- Yogi Berra

Fate keeps on happening.
-- Anita Loos

The seaman tells stories of winds, the ploughman of bulls; the soldier details his wounds, the shepherd his sheep.
-- Propertius

The half is greater than the whole.
-- Hesiod

The buck stops here.
-- Truman

Genius does what it must, and Talent does what it can.
-- Owen Meredith

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
-- Carl Zwanzig

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
-- Douglas Adams

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-- Albert Einstein

In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.
-- Edward P. Tryon

It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
-- John Andrew Holmes

Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.
-- Max Frisch

The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
-- Kilgore Trout

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
-- Woody Allen

The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing.
-- William J. Broad

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-- Rich Cook

There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.
-- Hoyle

We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.
-- Ray Bradbury

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-- Christopher Morley

I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.
-- Edward Chilton

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
-- Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson)

Virtue is insufficient temptation.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.
--Oscar Wilde (last words)

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
--Emo Philips

Power intoxicates men. When a man is intoxicated by alcohol, he can recover, but when intoxicated by power, he seldom recovers.
-- James Byrnes

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
-- Anais Nin

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
-- Hubert Humphrey
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