Short Attention-Span Reviews: Other Recent Movies Descriptions and averaged ratings (out of 4 stars) for recent-run films. Current Count: 272 Movies Addicted to Love (R) Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick are stalkers in love as they stake out their old dates. I don't think I can make that sound any worse. Also starring Kelly Preston and Tcheky Karyo. Air Bud (G) A basketball-playing dog gets recruited for the big game. Disney apparently forgot about that warehouse full of unsold "Monkey Trouble" T-shirts. Air Force One (R) Is it just me, or does Harrison Ford look way too old and weak to play a President with a good right hook hijacked on AF1? Gary Oldman gets to act psycho again as the villian. Almost Heroes (PG-13) Chris Farley's final film shows the emotional depth and character subtlety the Tommy Boy was famous for, as on of a pair of Lewis and Clarke-esque explorers who stumble in wackiness. Matthew Perry and Eugene Levy also star (these three in a film together should signal trouble right there). Directed by Christopher Guest, who should know better. American Buffalo (R) Film version of the David Mamet play, Dustin Hoffman stars. Small-time crooks plan to steal a coin collection. American Pie (R, missed NC-17 by a pelvic thrust) Ah, the legacy the Farrelly brothers. This summer's over-the-top gross-out involves four geeky high-schoolers trying to lose their virginity before graduation. He screws the pie, folks. The shock value is gone, so let's move on. Amistad The film that Spielberg schlepped through "The Lost World" for. Sort of a "Schindler's List" meets "Roots," a well-done film based on the true story of the trials resulting from a shipboard slave insurrection. The typical Spielberg--isms are here: "scenes of people looking" (thanks Servo and Crow!), overdone soundtrack, and heavy-handed moralizing. The film works in spite of that. Stars Anthony Hopkins, Morgan Freeman, Matthew McConaughey, Djimon Hounsou, Nigel Hawthorne. Anaconda (R) Cheesy snake effect chases stock team of explorers, the good looking couple survive. There, I've saved you $7.50. Starring Eric Stoltz, Jon Voight, Ice Cube, Jennifer Lopez, Jonathan Hyde, Kari Wuhrer. Analyze This (R) DeNiro plays yet another badda-bing-badda-boom mobster, and Billy Crystal is the psychologist who treats him. The Haunting (R) Remake of "The Haunting of Hill House," not to be confused with the new remake of "The House on Haunted Hill." (My kingdom for a new idea.) A scientist (Liam Neeson) brings patients to a haunted house to secretly study fear, everyone gets chased by cheesy-looking CGI effects, and Catherine Zeta-Jones puts the moves on Lilli Taylor to break up the boredom. Stick with the truly spooky original. An Ideal Husband (PG-13) A remake of the funny Oscar Wilde satire of 1890's-era relationships and poilitics. Unfortunately, everybody's busy seeing fine cinematic feats like American Pie and Runaway Bride. *NEED A REVIEW! ** The Apostle One of my favorite actors, Robert "The Man" Duvall is writer, director, and star of this smart story of a Southern evangelist. The preacher is the public model of righteous spiritualism, but his private life of womanizing, lies, and fierce temper nearly ruin him, beginning his quest to redeem himself. As Good As It Gets Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt, Greg Kinnear, and the word "Oscar" have been all over the entertainment news as of late due to this film. A strange love story that friends that have gone to see still have trouble explaining its intricacies. If someone can help out here, I'd be most appreciative. Austin Powers (R) A frozen groovy sixties-era secret agent is thawed out and forced, in typical fish-out-of-water style, into the 90s. It's amazing to see how far Mike Myers can carry one-joke films, isn't it? Barney's Great Adventure (G) The famous purple dinosaur - I'm sorry, I just can't. Next movie, please. Basquiat (R) A John Schnabel biography about the life and times of graffiti artist John-Michel Basquiat. 2.5* Batman & Robin (R) The Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, Elle Macpherson, Vivica Fox, Coolio. That big budget apparently didn't include a scriptwriter. PLEASE do not see this movie, if you value your mental health, just wait for it to show up on MST3K. Beavis and Butthead Do America (PG-13) You know the characters, you know what's going to happen, you know there won't be much of a plot, but the movie does have its funny moments. Check your brain at the door. 3* The Big Hit (R) Mark "Underpants" Wahlberg stars with Lou Diamond Philips and Christina Applegate in a Pulp Fiction-inspired about a hitman who kidnaps a woman related to the mob. The Big Lebowski The Coen brothers are at it again. Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, Julianne Moore, John Tuturro, Ben Gazzara, and Sam Elliott star in this weird, silly film about a bunch of bowling-alley denziens getting mixed up in a plot involving a kidnapped wife, gangsters, and the wheelchair-bound title character. I can't begin to even try to explain the plot here. The Big One (PG-13) Michael Moore's new documentary about downsizing corporations and those who get downsized. Stars Michael Moore and Rick Nielsen. Black Dog (PG-13) This is a "trucker" movie starring Patrick Swayze, Randy Travis, and Meat Loaf. Flee. Now. The Blair Witch Project (R) Little middle ground with this one, you either love it or hate it. Usually it's for the same reason: it doesn't do what's expected of a Hollywood horror film, and there's no happy ending. For those living in stasis for a year, three film students (played by three film students of the same name) go into the woods outside a remote town with a history of a mythical, homicidal witch and are never heard from again; the film is their recovered footage. FX-free, soundtrack-free, and still very creepy. Blast From The Past (R) Playing inept clueless male leads has made Brendan Fraser's career (Encino Man, Airheads, George of the Jungle, Dudley Do-Right). This time, he's Adam, who emerges for the first time from his parents' 1962 bomb shelter and falls in love with Eve (get it? get it?). It looks good, but that'll only suffice on video with the mute button on. Blues Brothers 2000 I figure Akroyd's got about a dozen more movies in him if he keeps mining old SNL bits like this (anyone for "Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute" -- The Movie?). Dan Aykroyd is back as Elwood out of prison for the first time in years with another mission from God, and a need to put the band back together. John Goodman takes over the Belushi spot (Belushi was unavailable for comment). Another big car chase, but that's about it. Buy the really cool soundtrack though. Boogie Nights If I had said a year ago that Burt Reynolds would be nominated for an Oscar for his part in a movie about the 70s porn industry, I would've been heavily sedated and put under observation. Some people have had some good things to say about it (besides Mark Walberg and his prosthetic John Thomas), but I personally don't feel the need to watch a two-hour-plus film about disco-era X-Rated filmmakers. Also stars Julianne Moore. The Borrowers Based on the Mary Norton children's books about a group of four-inch tall humans living among us big-folk. John Goodman plays the villian who gets the "Home Alone" treatment, which should appeal to kids who like a high gross-out factor. Bound (R) If they made any more lesbian references in the commercials, you'd have to send the kids out of the room. Despite the transparent promos, this crime-action drama has hit good reviews. Might be worth a look. 3* Bowfinger (PG-13) Steve Martin is the movie-director title character who uses a stooge (Eddie Murphy) to film stunt scenes his big-time star doesn't want to do. Funny flick, but didn't Fred Flintstone do this 25 years ago for Gary Granite? Breakdown (R) Kurt Russell stars as a husband who searches for the truth about the disappearance of his missing wife who vanishes after car trouble in the desert. Very twisty and suspenseful, but a bit of a letdown at the end. Brokedown Palace (PG-13) Two co-eds take a trip to Bangkok, Thailand, and get mistakenly charged with drug smuggling. I can think of at least two Movies of the Week that started this way. Buddy (G) Rene Russo and Paul Reubens star in yet another fake-animal-is-the-star movie. Whoopee. Bulletproof (R) Adam Sandler and Damon Wayans star as an interracial action duo with stabs at comedic relief. Run...run away...faster. 1* Bulworth (R) A suicidal politician (Warren Beatty, also writer and director) gains a new lease on life by campaigning by telling The Truth and falling in love with a South Central-ite (Halle Berry). Don Cheadle also stars. Burn Hollywood Burn: An Alan Smithee Film "Showgirls" Svengali Joe Esterhaus wrote this parody of behind-the-scenes Hollywood. Stars Eric Idle, which keeps me from completely bombing this film. Features cameos by Sylvester Stallone, Jackie Chan, and Whoopi Goldberg. "Get Shorty" and "The Player" were better. The Cable Guy (PG-13) Jim Carey plays a twisted cable installer who befriends customer Matthew Broderick, and proceeds to make his life hell. Caught (R) Edward James Almos and Maria Conchita Alonso star as a couple whose young houseguest leads them into a love triangle. (Daily News:"A shaky attempt at tranposing the passion and grandeur of classical tragedy to the story of a Jersey City fish dealer.") 2* Chairman Of The Board (PG-13) Surfer dude Carrot Top inherits a big business. Also features the stellar cast of Scott Thompson (Carrot Top), Courtney Thorne-Smith, Larry Miller. Deep hurting. Chasing Amy (R) Director Kevin Smith's third movie in his Jersey Trilogy, which included Clerks and Mallrats. Ben Affleck is a comic book writer who falls for a lesbian (Joey Adams) with an odd hetero past. Recurring characters Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) appear one last time. Citizen Ruth (R) Laura Dern and Kelly Preston star (though you won't recognize either) in this comedy about Ruth and her child caught in the middle of two zealous sides of a political battle, about those who must Save Us From Ourselves. 3* City of Angels (R) Well-done, if a little predictable, chick-flick of one angel (angels are depicted as invisible helpers in black trench coats who walk among us to comfort and help humanity) who considers the Fall from Grace to become mortal when he falls in love with Meg Ryan. Also stars Nicholas Cage and Dennis "I'm naked again" Franz. Commandments (R) Described by the reviewers at "E" as "quite possibly the worst film ever made." Seth, after a run of luck trying to rival Job, defies God by breaking each of the Ten Commandments. Courage Under Fire (R) Based on a true story of a friendly-fire incident in the Gulf War, Denzel Washington must gather information for a possible posthumous medal of honor for a medevac pilot (Meg Ryan). Con Air (R) Simon West, fresh from "The Rock," gets Nicolas Cage into another Vegas movie, along John Malkovich, John Cusack, Steve Buscemi, Ving Rhames, and Colm Meany. I'm told this one is very exciting, but leave your brain outside the theater. Conspiracy Theory (R) "Lethal Weapon's" Richard Donner directs Mel Gibson, Julia Roberts, and Patrick Stewart in a story of a conspiracy-theory-writing cabbie who touches a nerve with the Feds. Contact (R) The long-time-in-the-making movie of astronomer Carl Sagan's novel. Jodie Foster is a radio astronomer who finds the long-awaited signal from space. Starring Matthew McConaughey, James Woods, Angela Bassett, John Hurt, Rob Lowe, Tom Skerritt, and directed by "Back to the Future's" Robert Zemeckis. Cop Land (R) This movie stars Robert De Niro, Harvey Keitel, Ray Liotta, Annabella Sciorra, and Sylvester Stallone. Who do you think is the odd man here? How exactly do you get this much star power into such a dull film? Cruel Intentions (R) The "Melrose Place" version of "Les Liaisons Dangereuses" ("Dangerous Liasons"). If a quick shot of Sarah Michelle Gellar French-kissing another girl, or Ryan Philippe's naked butt is worth your rental cost, go for it. Otherwise, get the original. Dark City The director of "The Crow" is back in a murky "Strange Days" meets "Hellraiser" movie. Telepathic aliens use Manhattanites for their evil psychic experiements. Rather confusing, weak plot, and Kiefer Sutherland. Not even fantasy girl Jennifer Connelly can redeem the film. Daylight (R) Stallone's back in another formulaic action movie about people trapped in the Holland Tunnel after an explosion, and only Our Hero can be their physical and spiritual guide to freedom. Reviews vary widely on this one, which probably depends if the genre cliches really bother you. 2* Deconstructing Harry Director/Star Woody Allen's character may be a bit autobiographical, considering his tabloid exploits of the last few years. Harry, an author, is somewhat of a sinful Walter Mitty type who spends lots of time fantasizing about people close to him, while we watch his character break down. Costars Kirstie Alley, Richard Benjamin, Billy Crystal, Judy Davis, Mariel Hemingway, Amy Irving, Julie Kavner, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobey Maguire, Demi Moore, Elisabeth Shue, Stanley Tucci, and Robin Williams. Deep Blue Sea (R) New version of an old theme: genetically-altered giant sharks attack the giant floating lab that studies them. Samuel L. Jackson stars, but is eventually swallowed by a 20-foot CGI cliche. Deep Impact (PG-13) Depressing sci-fi Doomsday movie where the President (Morgan Freeman) holds a lottery to choose 800,000 people who will take refuge from a comet headed for earth. Are these people just a little too calm to you? Costars Robert Duvall. Directed by Mimi Leder. Deep Rising For those who found "Anaconda," "Event Hoizon," and "The Relic" full of deep characters, witty dialog, unexpected turns, and gripping plot...have we got a movie for you! I does feature Famke Janssen, so rent the video and hit the Mute button. Desperate Measures Michael Keaton shows off his new personal-trainer frame in this thriller with Andy Garcia. What sounds like an interesting (albeit far-fetched) idea (Prosecutor Garcia helps killer Keaton so he can get an organ transplant for his son. Keaton escapes and Garcia needs to bring 'em back alive.) goes south and uses all the usual tried and true devices to fill up 90 minutes. Detroit Rock City (R) It's a road trip to wackiness as a carload of burnouts quest to get to a KISS concert. Stars professional whiner Edward Furlong, the members of KISS, and several gallons of fake vomit. Dick (R) Two teenage hippie-chicks who walk Nixon's dog inadvertantly become Woodward and Bernstein's "Deep Throat" source to help blow the Watergate scandal. ** NEED A REVIEW! ** Double Team (R) This movie stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dennis Rodman and Mickey Rourke. Sorry, but after that list of "actors," I can go no further without losing IQ points. Doug's First Movie (G) Let's pray it's his last. Eight Heads in a Duffel Bag (R) Joe Pesci in a gangster role?? Who woud have guessed?? Pesci must deliver a Sack o' Skulls as proof of a hit, only to fall victim to the sitcom-worn switched-bag gag. Master thespians George Hamilton, Kristy Swanson, and David Spade get involved in the ensuing nuttiness. 8mm (R) Weak suspense film starring Denzel Washington as an investigator trying to solve a mystery surrounding a murder and child porn. Will make you queasy on numberous levels. No, not the good kind either. Emma (R) Adaptation of the Jane Austin novel (also used for the movie "Clueless") starring Gwyneth Paltrow. 3.5* Enemy of the State (R) Wil Smith stars in the latest "trapped in a web of covert deception" flick (The Game, The Net, Conspiracy Theory, etc), and only Gene Hackman's infobroker Brill can help him escape and bring the baddies to justice. Fun to watch, lots of techie toys, just don't think about the heavy-handed "it could happen to YOU!" message too much. The English Patient (R) Oscar predictors are working overtime over this one. A love story/tragedy set in North Africa just before World War II, starring Ralph Fiennes and Kristin Scott Thomas. 3.5* Entrapment (R) At the time, I thought anyone who looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones would never fall for anyone her senior by decades. Michael Douglas proved me wrong on that one. An insurance investigator tries to catch a master thief red-handed. (It's a good thing she made "Traffic." After "Zorro," "Entrapment," "The Haunting," and (for those of us who remember) "Splitting Heirs," she was close to a movie-of-the-week career.) Eraser (R) Arnold is back in this serious action movie about an agent guarding a woman in the the federal Witness Protection Program. 2* The Evening Star (PG-13) Call it "Terms of Endearment II: The Quickening" ... a needless sequel that tries to justify its existance with more of the scenes that made the original famous (tear-jerker death scenes, in this case). 2* Evita (R) Reviews vary widly on this one too, from pans to accolades. It won Madonna the Golden Globe, if that means anything. 2* Ghosts of Mississippi (PG-13) Alec Baldwin plays the D.A. who tries to reopen the case of the murder of civil rights leader Medgar Evers. James Woods and Whoopi Goldberg also star. 3* Event Horizon (R) Laurence Fishburne, Sam Neill, Joely Richardson, Kathleen Quinlan, and Richard T. Jones are astronauts seeking just what came back on a FTL starship that vanished for seven years. (anyone with a review on this movie, please mail me) Extreme Measures (R) An action movie starring...Hugh Grant? Gene Hackman stars as an ER doctor involved in a medical conspiracy. 2* Eyes Wide Shut (R) People either love or hate this film. Depending on your opinion, this surreal Tom Cruise/Nichole Kidman sexual exploration is either director Stanley Kubrick's career-ending crowning achievement, or an overrought, overdone, unintentionally funny movie with a piano-tuner soundtrack. Let me know what you think. Face/Off (R) John Woo's second movie with John Travolta involves a criminal investigator who assumes the identity of the killer he's looking to catch. It's a pretty amazing action movie in spite of it's silly premise. Costars Nicolas Cage, Joan Allen, Gina Gershon. The Faculty (R) "The Invasion of the Body Snatchers" meets alterna-rock angst, as students take drugs and fight off alien parasites taking over their school staff. They might have used some additional CGI to give the actors more than two expressions apiece. Fallen Another interesting thriller idea shot to hell. Denzel Washington tracks an exectued killer whose soul transfers from body to body by touch. Feeling Minnesota (R) Keanu Reeves and Vincent D'Onofrio compete for Cameron Diaz. 1* Firestorm Watch the 30-second promo: Howie Long beats up bad guys! Howie Long throws fireaxe! Howie Long does his best Stallone impression! There, you've seen the movie. First Kid (PG) Secret Service agent Sinbad must guard the President's son. Hmm....can I tell you the entire plot without seeing the movie? 2* The First Wives' Club (PG) Aging wives Goldie Hawn, Bette Midler, and Diane Keaton band together to take revenge on their lowlife ex-husbands. I usually stay away from any movie where a star (Midler) refers to the movie's editing as "a quilt." 2.5* Fled (R) Convicts Stephen Baldwin and Laurence Fishburne Jr are chained together and must work together to escape. 1* Flubber (PG) Remake of "The Absent-Minded Professor" with Robin Williams. An eccentric scientist invents a strange substance - wackiness ensues. Fly Away Home (PG) A young girl deals with her mother's death by mothering a gaggle of young geese. She learns to give guidence to the goslings as her estranged father learns to give her guidence. (Daily News:"A sweet story") The ads say "Based on a true story." Sure, if the young troubled girl was an adult male. 3* Free Willy 3: The Rescue (R) Why do we have to keep paying to free this one stupid whale? The Full Monty British comedy that made full-frontal nudity of pudgy, middle-aged men all the rage last year. (Hell, it gave Drew Carey plots to two sitcom episodes.) Blue collar workers take to stripping to earn extra money. Gattaca (PG-13) Pointless sci-fi movie about genetically engineered people, and a plot to...oh, I'm sorry, there is no plot. Features newlyweds Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman. George of the Jungle (R) I'm always leery of humans-as-cartoon movies, but it's got its good moments. Brendan Fraser is the loinclothed dim bulb of the M'bwebwe province, with all the Jay Ward characters in place, including the hokey narrator. John Cleese is the voice of Ape. The Gingerbread Man Another John Grisham story of lawyers lying and killing each other, as one man (Branagh) gets in over his head with the problems of the object of his one-night stand. While I like a number of Grisham's books, this one is too drab, even with a stellar cast of Kenneth Branagh, Daryl Hannah, Robert Downey Jr., Robert Duvall, and director Robert Altman. Gods and Monsters (R) Based on the life of James Whale (Ian McKellen), the openly-gay director of Frankenstein and Showboat. Lots of critical acclaim for this one. ** Need reviews! *** Godzilla (R) OK, they kept the roar, it's still a lizard (a kimodo dragon, to be exact), but where's the atomic breath? Stargate/ID4's Dean Devlin and Roger Emmerich find yet another film genre to steal from copiously. Stars Matthew Broderick, Hank Azaria, Harry Shearer (ironic they got actors who have done cartoon voices for the big roles? you decide). Good Burger (R) Oh, the pain. These jokes are ancient even for the 10 year-old target audience. Stars Kenan Thompson, Kel Mitchell, Abe Vigoda, Jan Schweiterman, Carmen Electra, Shaquille O'Neal, Sinbad. Good Will Hunting Likable, touching movie, even if it doesn't pack a whole lot of surpirses. Will Hunting (Matt Damon) is a troubled underachiever janitor with a genius mind and a dark past, who works as a janitor in a university. When a professor, a coed, and a shrink come to his aid, its up to Will to decide what to do with his life. Also stars Robin Williams, Minnie Driver, and Ben Affleck. Grease (20th Anniversary) (PG) You know the film, you know the plot, your call if the new prints and digitally enhanced sound are worth your seven dollars again. Stars John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, Stockard Channing -- but you knew that. Great Expectations Read the book. You'd think Hollywood would've learned after last year's "Romeo and Juliet." (Unless, of course, Ethan Hawke and Gwyneth Paltrow nude scenes are worth your $7.50.) Grosse Pointe Blank (R) A black comedy starring John Cusack as hitman at his 10-year high school reunion, and reunites with his old flame and decides to give true love a shot. Sort of Say Anything meets Pulp Fiction. (I meant that in a good way.) Half Baked Some normally-funny comedians (David Chappelle, Janeane Garofalo, Jon Stewart, Steven Wright) make a Cheech and Chong movie for the 90s...complete with an appearance by Tommy Chong. Sorry dudes, even Tommy should know by now this sh*t is up in smoke. Hard Rain One of the more annoying factors of the 70s revival (as if there's anything likeable about it) is disaster movies. Apparently, all the good ones have been used up (thankfully), so a cop-on-the-take crime chase is thrown in for good measure. Stars Morgan Freeman, Randy Quaid, Minnie Driver, Christian Slater... all skilled actors who should know better. Harriet The Spy (G) Based on the children's book, a grade-schooler spies on and keeps tabs on the nasty secrets and goings-on in her neighborhood. Stars Michelle Trachtenberg and Rosie O'Donnell. 3* The Haunting (R) Remake of "The Haunting of Hill House," not to be confused with the new remake of "The House on Haunted Hill." (My kingdom for a new idea.) A scientist (Liam Neeson) brings patients to a haunted house to secretly study fear, everyone gets chased by cheesy-looking CGI effects, and Catherine Zeta-Jones puts the moves on Lilli Taylor to break up the boredom. Stick with the truly spooky original. He Got Game (R) A high school basketball star must deal with his ex-con father while making plans for his future. Denzel Washington, Ray Allen, Milla Jovovich star. Directed by Spike Lee. Hercules (R) Disney's wacky send-up of the hero of Greek mythology. Some mixed reviews on this one. Features the voices of Tate Donovan, Danny DeVito, James Woods, Bobcat Goldthwait, Rip Torn, Samantha Eggar, Susan Egan. Home Alone 3 Mac's not in it, but you knew that already. Then again, you probably already know the plot too. Hope Floats (PG-13) Sandra Bullock and Harry Connick Jr put on Texas accents in the story of a single mom returning to her hometown and a long-long love. Directed by Forest Whitaker. The Horse Whisperer (PG-13) A cowboy Dr. Doolittle helps a family and their horse after an accident. Directed by and starring Robert Redford. The House on Haunted Hill (R) Remake of the horror classic. This version was so bad, I wanted to watch it again in fast-forward video just to watch these unlikeable idiots deservedly die one by one. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (G) Disney's version of the Victor Hugo story of a deformed church bell-ringer, and his quest for acceptance. Stars the voices of Demi Moore, Kevin Kline, and Tom Hulse. 4* Hush (R) Think of "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle" for the dating set. Gwyneth Paltrow meets new Jessica Lange who plots to kill her. An Ideal Husband (PG-13) A remake of the funny Oscar Wilde satire of 1890's-era relationships and poilitics. Unfortunately, everybody was busy seeing fine cinematic feats like American Pie and Runaway Bride, and this film in the back of the local Blockbuster. ID4 (Independence Day) (PG-13) The disaster movie with the invading aliens and the all-star cast. 2* In Dreams (R) Annette Bening is a woman who's dream foresees her daughter's killer, and has to convince the world she's still sane and has a psychic connection to the psycho, played by Robert Downey, Jr. Good premise, but falls a little flat in the suspense department. Inspector Gadget (PG) If only MST3K could've survived another season or two, they could have trashed this movie hard. Matthew Broderick has three expressions without the use of expensive CGI effects, why cast him as a live-action remake of a cartoon character from the show of the same name? The only thing cool thing about this flick is the McDonald's toy tie-ins. And even they suck. Instinct (R) Contrary to the advertising, this is not the long-awaited sequel to "Silence of the Lambs." Wingnut Anthony Hopkins tests the limits of psychologist Cuba Gooding, Jr. All shadow, no substance. The Iron Giant (PG) Superb animated film based on the classic children's story by Ted Hughes. Director ______ of "Family Dog" and "Simpsons" fame breaks the Disney mold with great characters and a wonderful merging of hand- and computer animation to tell the story of a boy who finds a huge metal-munching robot and must keep him from the government agents in 1950's "Red Scare"-era America. Jackie Brown Pam Grier (who looks pretty amazing at 50), Samuel L. Jackson, Bridget Fonda, Robert De Niro, Michael Keaton, and Quentin Tarantino...this movie could have been about dung beetles and would still be interesting with a cast like this. Jackie Brown is Grier's character, a stewardess who gets involved with drug smugglers (not enough space for the full plot here, lots of twists and turns). Tarantino manages to revive some "Pulp Fiction" magic along with some of the less-insulting factors from the "blacksploitation" film era, added some cool-as-usual dialog, and came out with a great film. Jawbreaker (R) "Heathers" meets "The River's Edge" when the leader of the cool girl's clique (Rose McGowan) accidently kills a friend during a prank, and lets a potential snitch join their ranks. Also stars Rebecca Gayheart, but I doubt that fact is enough to save it for most. Just the Ticket (R) Hmm, an action movie about competing ticket scalpers?? Also starring Andie MacDowell?? I think two stikes is plenty. Kazaam (G) Shaq goes to the movies as an ancient genie in a boombox who grants a kid 3 wishes. 1.5* Kissing a Fool "Friends" David Schwimmer and "Chasing Amy's" Jason Lee are cast in complete opposite to their famous roles: Schimmer's the insistive womanizer, and Lee is a sensitive broken-hearted writer. Schwimmer's character asks Lee's romantic to sleep with his girlfriend to test her loyalty, which naturally brings the couple together. Krippendorf's Tribe Richard Dreyfuss is a scientist who makes up a bogus African tribe, spends his grant money to raise his kids, and is then expected to produce a study of the tribe. Wackiness ensues. Yawn. Last Man Standing (R) Another remake of "Yojimbo," this time with Bruce Willis as The Man With No Name. You know the rest. 4* L.A. Confidential Well-done noir film starring the always-amazing Kevin Spacey, Russell Crowe, Kim Basinger, and Danny DeVito. The Last Days Of Disco (R) Exploring the lives of collegiate club-hoppers from the First Bellbottom Era. The Leading Man (R) Jon Bon Jovi plays a Hollywood player in a London theater show, caught in an relationship with a married member of the cast. Very "All About Eve" in certain parts, if you like that sort of thing. Les Miserables (PG-13) Not the Broadway musical, but another adaptation of the Victor Hugo novel, starring Liam Neeson, Geoffrey Rush, and Uma Thurman. Directed by Bille August. Liar Liar (R) It's a Jim Carrey movie, which should make further explanation unnecessary. An unscrupulous lawyer is forced to tell the Absolute Truth for a full day. Life is Beautiful (La Vita E Bella) (PG-13) OK, Roberto (Benigni), you wrote and directed a funny, beautiful, uplifting movie about a father shielding his son from the Nazi horrors of the concentration camps. We showered you with well-deserved Oscar accolades. But if you ever have to give another acceptance speech, please keep the acrobatics out of it. The Lost World: Jurassic Park (R) "Oh, sure. It starts with "ooh" and "aah," but then it's cardboard characters, retread plotlines, and a T-Rex chase worthy of a Bert I. Gordon movie. Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, and Sir Richard Attenborough were among the highly-paid actors bribed to act in this **** directed by Steven Spielberg. Lost In Space (PG-13) A remake of TV's sci-fi cult classic, this time as a big-action adventure, rather than low-budget camp. The space pioneering Robinson family (and the evil Dr. Smith) search the galaxy for the way home, and end up finding a convoluted mess of a failed plot involving time travel. William Hurt, Gary Oldman, and Matt LeBlanc star. Love and Death on Long Island An upper-class British novelist (John Hurt) inadvertantly attends the wrong movie, "Hotpants 2," and becomes obsessed with teen idol Ronnie Bostock (Jason Preistley) Jerry Maguire (R) The romantic comedy featuring Tom Cruise as an out-of-work football agent who finds happiness with his accountant (Renee Zeliweger) 3.5* Major League Iii: Back To The Minors (PG-13) Scott Bakula and Corbin Bernsen took time from their combined stellar film careers to replay their last successful roles. The Man In The Iron Mask (PG-13) The Three Musketeers With Three Different Accents have to rescue the good Leonardo DiCaprio, twin brother of evil French king Leonardo DiCaprio. With Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich, Gerard Depardieu, Gabriel Byrne. Mars Attacks! (R) Tim Burtons spoof on alien movies, based on the classic Topps trading cards and featuring an all-star cast (including Jack Nicholson in two roles). 2* Masterminds (PG-13) It's a battle of twits, oh sorry, "wits" as a 14 year-old student fights off terrorist Patrick Stewart who has taken his school hostage. I can just picture the brainstorming session for this one: "How about Home Alone meets Toy Soldiers?" McHale's Navy (PG) You know, I almost forgave Tom Arnold after True Lies. If this doesn't end his career (or anyone else associated with it), nothing will. Also featuring Tim Curry, David Alan Grier, Debra Messing, Dean Stockwell, and an Ernest Borgnine cameo. Kill me now. Men in Black (R) Barry Sonnenfeld (The Addams Family films) directs Tommy Lee Jones, Will Smith, Linda Fiorentino, and Vincent D'Onofrio in a often-funny movie about a secret organization that works as border patrol for alien tourists. Mercury Rising (R) An FBI agent tries to protect a kid (Miko Hughes) who breaks a secret code and becomes a government target. Sounds like "Witness" meets "Wargames." Starring Bruce Willis and Alec Baldwin. Message in a Bottle (PG-13) Let's play "Blue's Clues." We have Robin Wright as Everywoman who finds an emotional love letter (Clue 1) stuffed in a bottle, quests to find the sensitive man (Clue 2) who is its author, and finds Kevin Costner (Clue 3). (Oh yeah, his dad is Paul Newman. Bonus clue.) The answer is "Chick Flick"! Another tear-jerking love fairy tale thin on plot and characterization secretly funded by the Kleenex corporation to sell more product. (OK, I can't prove that...yet.) Michael (PG) John Travolta plays a gritty arcangel who enjoys earthly life, and brings together two tabloid reporters (Andie McDowall and William Hurt) on his final visit. Mickey Blue Eyes (PG-13) Hugh Grant is cast against type as an awkward, stammering Brit in a fish-out-of-water situation. This time it's in the world of Goodfellas. Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil (R) A journalist (John Cusack) investigates a Savannah celebrity accused of murder. Directed by Clint "Sorry For "Bridges of Madison County' " Eastwood. Mimic (R) Science and DNA go awry again as scientist Mira Sorvino and crew confront their former experiments in the sewers of New York, which seem to want to stake a claim in some real estate uptown. Mission Impossible (R) Based on (am I saying that a lot here, or is it just me? Three cheers for derivatives, I guess) the hit TV show, with Tom Cruise as the IM Force leader. Directed by Brian DePalma. 3* Mother (R) A middle-aged writer moves back in with his mother to work out his problems with women. Albert Brooks directs and stars, Debbie Reynolds costars. 4* Mouse Hunt Wow! Has Macauley Culkin gotten ugly since the first "Home Alone," I...er, what's that? It isn't? Oh, sorry. It's really a mouse. Cast includes Nathan Lane and Christopher Walken. Mrs. Brown (PG) Queen Victoria (Judi Dench) loses her husband and is comforted by her servant friend (Billy Connolly). Mr. Nice Guy (PG-13) A famous martials art-weilding TV chef (??) gets caught between gangs. C'mon, it's Jackie Chan, you go to gasp at the stunts, not marvel at the intricate plot. Multiplicity (R) Businessman Michael Keaton clones himself to keep up with demands of his job and family. Andie MacDowell is his wife. 3* Murder at 1600 (R) Wesley Snipes is in another mindless action movie, where the President is suspect in a murder, with Diane Lane, Alan Alda, Dennis Miller, and Ronny Cox. My Best Friend's Wedding (R) Julia Roberts returns in a comedy about a woman trying to break up her best friend's engagement to ultra-sweet Cameron Diaz before it's too late. My Favorite Martian (PG) In a word, "why?" Remake of the TV show with Christopher Lloyd stepping in for Ray Walston and Jeff Bridges is Earthling Tim O'Hara. Add in the scientist persuit from "E.T." just for the hell of it, and you have a flick that should've made the actors wretch as it was being filmed. My Giant (PG) A talent agent (Billy Crystal) finds fame after meeting a very tall man (Gheorghe Muresan) in the most depressing comedy I've ever known. Mystery Men (PG-13) Captain Amazing (Greg Kinnear) has been kidnapped, and it's up to the city's second-rate superheroes to come to the rescue. Well-rounded characters and good, funny story, but I think the Tick still does the whole "inept superhero" thing better. Also starring Jeanine Garafolo, William H. Macy, Hank Azaria, Paul Reubens, and Ben Stiller. The Newton Boys (PG-13) Richard Linklater's film about the careers of the 1920s brother bank robbers, with Matthew McConaughey, Ethan Hawke, and Vincent D'Onofrio. No Looking Back (R) Jon Bon Jovi shows that rock stars can really act (sometimes) as the old boyfriend in a small-town love triangle. Costars Lauren Holly, Edward Burns (who also directs). The Nutty Professor (PG) Based on (there it is again) the Jerry Lewis classic, a scientist (Eddie Murphy) invents a way to change his appearance, which severely changes his lifestyle. 3* The Object Of My Affection (R) Another "Friends" movie ... beware. Jennifer Aniston is a pregnant woman want to raise her child with her gay roommate, rather than the baby's father. Also stars Paul Rudd and John Pankow. The Odd Couple Ii (PG-13) Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau apologized for the film clip while promoting this sequel on the Tonight Show. Danger, Will Robinson. The uptight neatnick and the easygoing slob reunite to get to their kids' wedding. Office Space (R) Animator Mike Judge (Beavis & Butthead, King of the Hill) directs his first live-action film based on the Dilbertesque world of corporate life. Don't worry, Mike, at least it wasn't "BASEketball." 101 Dalmations (G) Live-action remake of the Disney animated classic. Glenn Close stars as Cruella DeVil, who, as one reviewer wrote, acts like "a posessed Auntie Mame." 3* 187 (R) Samuel Jackson, is a teacher in the 'hood looking to avenge his "murder." One Fine Day (PG) George Clooney and Michelle Pfieffer star in a film made for the "Sleepless in Seattle" crowd. Good reveiws for it all-around. 3* Operation Condor (R) It's a Jackie Chan movie, nuff said. (I mean that in a good way.) Patch Adams (PG-13) Robin Williams stars as his gazillionth doctor/professor character based on the real-life Hunter "Patch" Adams, who preached (and practiced) laughter as the best medicine. Don't know if it's the topic or all the performers milking every scene for all the "Awww!"s they can get which is the ultimate downfall. Paulie (PG) A family movie in a "Babe" vein, where a smart-alec parrot learn to talk for real. Cute kid stuff. Starring Trini Alvarado, Tony Shalhoub, and Jay Mohr. Payback (R) Megaviolent remake of the classic Lee Marvin film "Point Blank," Mel Gibson is gangster antihero Porter, who gets back the money he was double-crossed out of from a former partner, his ex-wife, and the criminal syndicate who wants him dead. Not a real sympathetic guy, and the film can be more style than substance at times, but it's still a pretty cool 100 minutes. The People Vs Larry Flynt (R) Woody Harrelson is the over-the-top "Hustler" founder Flynt, in a bio about his life and freedom-of-speech court battles. Courtney Love is also reported to have a remarkable performance as Flynt's wife (though it pains me to say that). 3.5* Phoenomenon (PG) John Travolta is a small town Joe suddenly granted amazing powers. 2* Picture Perfect (R) Jennifer Aniston stars in this typical romance, costarring Jay Mohr, Kevin Bacon, Olympia Dukakis, and Illeana Douglas. No reports on this film besides some lukewarm reviews. The Preacher's Wife (PG-13) John Travolta is an angel who...sorry, wrong movie. Denzel Washington is an angel who helps a preacher and his wife (Whitney Houston). 3.5* Primary Colors (R) John Travolta shows off his Clinton impression, portraying a fast food-loving presidential candidate seeking the White House. Based on the Joe Klein book. Also stars Emma Thompson, Billy Bob Thornton. Prince of Egypt (PG) Animated epic based on the life of Moses, culminating with the crossing of the Red Sea. Looks great, decently scripted, but sticks a bit too close to the Disney film formula with musical numbers, etc. The Proposition (R) Kenneth Branagh, Madeleine Stowe, and William Hurt star in this film about a socialite murder scandal. Quest For Camelot (G; Animated) A new Disney-inspired Warner Bros. anminated film about a girl who must keep an evil knight from getting Excaliber. Voices by Pierce Brosnan, Gabriel Byrne, Cary Elwes. Ransom (R) Mel Gibson is a millionaire who uses killer business instinct to outwit his young son's kidnappers. 3* The Red Violin (NR) Samuel L. Jackson comes in contact with a haunted antique violin that becomes a bad-karma magnet to anyone who posses it. Heaps of critical acclaim for this one. *** need a review! ** The Relic (PG-13) I can't turn on the TV without seeing a commercial for this one. Penelope Ann Miller (warning! bad acting in this sector!) must stop an ancient mythical very-CGI-looking monster summoned by an ancient relic, running loose in a museum. 1.5* The Replacement Killers Chow Yun-Fat, a longtime Hong Kong action-film star, makes his American debut with Mira Sorvino in a thinly-plotted (but you expected that, right?) but very cool action film produced by master of cool John Woo. Let's hope this film does well, it would be nice to see action in action films again. The Rock (R) Shawn Connery, Nicholas Cage, and Ed Harris star in Rambo-meets-Lethal Weapon, as two commandos try to stop terrorists from launching poison gas from Alcatraz. 3* Romy and Michele's High School Reunion Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow are former valley girls who give themselves makeovers to show up their former classmates at their 10-year high school reunion to convince themselves they're not the losers the others claim. The Rugrats Movie (G) and The Rugrats in Paris (G) If you're a parent and can sit through the Nickolodeon TV show the film's based on, this won't be a problem. If the voices of the little urchins and the drawing style of the characters is nails on a blackboard to you, give your kids the video and leave the room. Runaway Bride (R) "Pretty Woman"'s Richard Gere and Julia Roberts re-team up and prove you can't go back in this silly romance movie about a reporter who interviews a woman who keeps leaving perspective husbands at the altar. Saving Private Ryan (R) One of Steven Spielberg's best, it's a violent, disturbing, and raw war movie that tells the story of an Army Captain's quest to rescue Private Ryan from behind enemy lines on D-Day. Missed most of the Oscars in the catagories it was nominated, probably because the Acadamy doesn't like movies involving disembowlment. If you've got the stomach, you'll be amazed. Stars Tom Hanks, Matt Damon, Ed Burns. The Saint (R) Val Kilmer stars in the classic Roger Moore role, in a high-action film by the director of Patriot Games. Not worth the plastic used to make the video case. Scream (R) Wes Craven spoofs the genre cliches he helped create in this movie about slasher-movie buffs stalked by a killer. 3* Scream 2 Neve Campbell and Courteney Cox are back in the sequel to "Scream," along with David Arquette, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Heather Graham, Laurie Metcalf, Jada Pinkett, and yes, Tori Spelling (who appears as a joke from the first film). Director Wes Craven provides the screams again, and keeps up both the humor and the tension of the first movie. A third installment is meant to be the closer to this series, it looks like he's got a good chance to pull it off. Secrets and Lies (R) A black woman finds her white mother and struggles to build a relationship. Prizewinner at Cannes. 4* Senseless Penelope Spheeris, what were you thinking? Marlon Wayans, Brad Dourif, and David Spade star in this farse about a man who volunteers to have his senses hightened, with unseen side effects. Patrick Ewing, David Spade, Tamara Taylor, and Rip Torn also make appearances. Never trust a movie whose title reviews itself, I guess. Shakespeare In Love (R) A fictional account of Shakespeare (Joseph Finnes) breaking his writers block through his blossoming secret romance with an engaged Gweneth Paltrow. Uses Shakespearean elements to create a funny, romantic tale. Their rendition of the final scene of "Romeo and Juliet" is amazing. Also stars Judi Dench, Geoffrey Rush, and Ben Affleck. She's All That (R) No she's not. Yet another teenaged take on a classic story. This time, it's Pygmalion that gets the "Dawson's Creek" treatment. Reviewer flickchick@rfd.com says it has its moments if you like that "My So-Called Fair Lady Life" kind of thing, Shine (R) Portrayal of pianist David Helfgott and his struggle with his father's abuse. This one's got "Oscar" written all over it. 3.5* A Simple Plan (R) Director Sam Raimi (Xena, Hercules) takes some time off from the world of chainmail and bustiers with this very smart movie about three down-on-their-luck small-town Midwesterners corrupted by a found duffel bag with $4 million in bills. Stars Billy-Bob Thorton, Bill Paxton, and Bridget Fonda. The Sixth Sense (PG-13) Bruce Willis is a child psychologist who tries to help a creepy young boy who thinks he sees ghosts...or his he right?? (MUHAHAHA!...evil snicker) Maybe I'm just cynical, but I figured out the twist ending 30 minutes into the movie. Sliding Doors (R) An alternate-future movie that follows a young woman (Gwyneth Paltrow) and the two very different life-changing events that occur based on her making or missing her subway. Small Soldiers (PG) It's Gremlins meets Toy Story as intelligent computerized commando toys attack their mutant enemies and the humans that help them. Bloody, violent, and really stupid. The funniest joke in the movie is the voices of the original Magnificent Seven for the commando squad. Spawn (R) Michael Jai White plays Todd McFarland's dark comic-book antihero from Hell. John Leguizamo appears as Clown. Species II (R) Natasha Henstridge is back as a sexy alien/human hybrid that needs to mate. Was there a plot? I don't remember. Michael Madsen, Mykelti Williamson costar. Sphere Big-name cast (Dustin Hoffman, Sharon Stone, Samuel L. Jackson, Peter Coyote), big-name author (Michael Chrichton), but big flop. Only read the book, but the last couple of pages are so infuriating (done in typical Chrichton well-that's-enough-let's-wrap-this-up-quickly fashion), that you'll walk away angry. (I'll save you some money: the Sphere is the plot device from Forbidden Planet. They wish it away to prevent it from Falling Into The Wrong Hands.) Spice World I don't think there's anything derogatory I can say about this movie that hasn't been said already. The Spice Girls attempt to create something akin to "A Hard Day's Night," with cameos by George Wendt, Mark McKinney, Claire Rushbrook, Roger Moore, and Bob Hoskins. Star Trek-First Contact (PG-13) Killer cyborgs go back in time to stop the human resistance before it starts? Never heard that plotline before, have we, Arnold? Still a well-done movie with the Next Generation cast, one of the better films of the series. 3.5* Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace (PG) A quietly-released science-fiction film that didn't get much attention. Maybe if they had hyped it a little more, it might have done better at the box office. Stealing Beauty (R) Rock-star daughter and shampoo model Liv Tyler is a teenaged virgin who "blooms" and learns a secret about her mother, while on a visit to Tuscanny. Jeremy Irons also stars. 3.5* Steel (G) Shaquille O'Neal plays the title character of this comics-spawned film, which also stars Judd Nelson, Richard Roundtree. OK, it's obviously aimed at 8 year-old boys, so how many of them are expected to get Roundtree's "Shaft" references? Striptease A stripper (Demi Moore) tries to regain custody of her daughter. Burt Reynolds also stars as a sleezy politician, apparently with his own personal trainer. 1* Tarzan (G) Disney's take on the Edgar Rice Burroughs classic character. Typical Disney formula. It does have amazing visuals (though Disney's computer animation is very distracting and doesn't merge well), decent well-done characters (in spite of Rosie O'Donnel's Turk), and a decent pop-song soundtrack by Phil Collins. (Just a thought: anyone else think Disney's walking that thin politically-correct tightrope by making a movie about Africa *without* any native Africans?) Tarzan And The Lost City (PG) Casper Van Dien is a way-too-pretty Tarzan who must choose to stay in England or save the jungle. Jane March is Jane. The Thin Red Line (R) Based (I'm told) on the novel of the same name about soldiers at Guadalcanal in WWII. This film got eclipsed by Saving Private Ryan, which was a similar theme and released around the same time. A different approach than SPR, and a good movie that deserves some attention. Starring Sean Penn and Nick Nolte. The Thomas Crown Affair (R) Remake of the old Steve McQueen/Faye Dunaway movie, starring Pierce Brosnan and Renee Russo. Same basic (weak) plot as "Entrapment," released just months before. Sorry, movie, but Renee Russo shaking her groove-thing in a near-transparent dress does not a story make. 3 Ninjas: High Noon At Mega Mountain (PG) Another "3 Ninjas" sequel (groan). The young martial artists team with Hulk Hogan (groan) to save an amusement park (groan) from an evil Loni Anderson (groan). Jim "Ernest" Varney also stars (big groan). Tin Cup (R) "Bull Durham" revisited. Golf pro Kevin Costner challenges Don Johnson and romances Renee Russo as he tries to get his life out of a rut. 2.5* Titanic They meet, they fall in love, the boat sinks, the end. Seriously, the movie has received accolades from everyone, and was apparently worth the huge amount of time and money director James Cameron put into it, succesfully putting all the critics' (including mine) "Waterworld" jokes to rest. Stars Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, Bill Paxton, and Billy Zane. Tomorrow Never Dies Pierce Brosnan tries to revive the Connery-era 007 James Bond, Teri Hatcher is the love interest, and Jonathon Pryce is the villian. As my friend David put it: "I spent two hours waiting for James Bond to show up." Fans of the series who thought the films died when Connery left the role should keep on waiting for the defibulator to kick in. Trainspotting (R) Lots of talk about this one. A Scottish film about 4 friends running scams in the Edinburgh underworld. 3* Truth or Consequences, N.M. (R) A small-time criminal is torn between his love for his girlfriend and his devotion to psycho-bud pal Curtis, while avoiding the police and the mob. Starring Kim Dickens, Vincent Gallo, Kevin Pollack, Martin Sheen, Rod Steiger, and Keifer Sutherland. Twilight Too-good-looking-to-be-a-senior-citizen Paul Newman stars in a dull murder-mystery with a too-good-to-be-in-this-movie cast. Twister My current favorite special-effect-in-search-of-a-plot (see it in a surround-sound theater and feel your heart race), Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton are storm chasers who reunite one last time for The Big One. 3* Turbulence (R) Ray Liotta reminds us he played a psycho in "Unlawful Entry" by repeating the perfomance...on a moving airplane, with only Lauren Holly to stop him. Duh. 1.5* Two Days in the Valley (R) Falls over itself trying to be "Pulp Fiction II." Comedy-drama about crime and coincidence starring a large celebrity cast, including Paul Mazursky, Eric Stoltz, Teri Hatcher, and Danny Aiello. 3* Two Girls And A Guy (R) Cocaine connoisseur Robert Downey Jr. must deal with his two girlfriends (Heather Graham, Natasha Wagner) who accidentally meet. Universal Soldier: The Return (R) Pointless sequel to the original Van Damme/Lundgren flick responsible for unleashing the Roland Emmerich/Dean Devlin production team upon us unsuspecting moviegoers. U.S. Marshals Called a "spin-off" (not a sequel) by Joe Pantoliano, the U.S. Marshalls from "The Fugitive" are back, headed by Oscar-winner Tommy Lee Jones, and this time they're after Wesley Snipes. Robert Downey Jr. makes an ironic appearance as a drug-using cop. Varsity Blues (R) Any 80s teen is old enough to know this is simply "All The Right Moves" redux, with another pretty boy mugging for the camera and another actress baring her breasts. Wasn't all that good the first time around. Virus (R) This "Alien" ripoff couldn't even get the cliche's right. I wanted to bill my cable company for the 90 minutes I spent in stunned disbelief staring at this trash. An alien virus infects a high-tech ship and builds itself a body out of gizmos and body parts. Volcano (R) The second in this year's volcano movies, and only slightly less ridiculous. Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Heche star. Wag the Dog Wry satire that seems to imitate current events (to some degree). Robert De Niro is the Presidential aide who enlists the help of Hollywood hypester Dustin Hoffman to create a fake war to divert the public's attention from the President's involvement with an underage Girl Scout. Woody Harrelson and Anne Heche also star. Warriors of Virtue (R) Typical Power-Rangers stuff with some ideas stolen from Anime and mythology, mixed gently with some...kung-fu kangaroos? The Wedding Singer Adam Sandler movies are usually my Kryptonite, but good reviews might drag me into the theater for this one. Sandler plays a wedding singer in 1985 (hard to believe my high school graduation year is now a period piece) who gets stood up at the altar, and then gets involved with bride to be Drew Barrymore. Wild America (R) Based on the true-life story of the Stouffer brothers who dream of becoming wildlife documentarians, and set off on a road trip to document America's vanishing animals. Wild Things (R) Neve Campbell and Denise Richards play two look-at-me-I'm-so-naughty schemers who play head games with a teacher. My advice: never trust a movie that needs extra scenes in the credits to explain the forty-seven plot twists. Stars Matt Dillon, Kevin Bacon (and his package, a sight I could've done without). Zero Effect Bill Pullman is Daryl Zero, an inept P.I., with Ben Stiller as his reluctant sidekick. Ryan O'Neal is the client. Pullman is like an anchor on a race car, as the film struggles to be funny through heavy-handed jokes and bad acting. Celluloidia Top

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