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 A Collection of Bumper Stickers(This is a work in progress. Got a favorite? Send it!If you want breakfast in bed...sleep in the kitchen. (jeannettec@adelphia.net) Yes I am psycho. I take my meds. Whats your excuse? Hookd on fonics werkd for me! One in every four Americans has some form of mental illness. If your three best friends are okay, than its you. So, you're a feminist. Well, aren't you precious? Horn not working, watch for finger. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me. Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. (on the rusted, diamond-plate bumper of a beat-up 4 X 4 pickup): "SIERRA CLUB......KISS MY AXE!" The end is near... And I'm waiting for the sequel Reunite Gondwanaland! Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window. Fight Crime: Shoot Back! (seen upside down, on a Jeep) If you can read this, please flip me back over. Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass. Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected. Feel safe tonight ... Sleep with a cop. Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph. If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut?? Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings" Axe me about Ebonics Boldly going nowhere. Cat: The other white meat. CAUTION - Driver legally blonde. Don't be sexist - broads hate that! Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway. He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets. If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition. If it's Tourist Season....why can't I shoot them? I think its time for you to stop and change the air in your head Grow your own dope . . . . plant a man What would Elvis Do? Why am I in this handbasket and where are we going? My kid got your honor student pregnant Constipated people don't give a crap. Practice safe sex, go screw yourself. If you drink don't park, accidents cause people. Please tell your pants its not polite to point. If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better. Thank you for pot smoking. If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings". If you can read this, I've lost my trailer. My son was honor inmate at county jail. If I wanted a bitch I would buy a dog. Will work for food - will beg for sex. Horn broken--watch for finger. I do what my rice krispies tell me 186000 miles per second. It's not just a good idea, it's the law. We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. Jesus is coming, everyone look busy. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. All men are idiots ... I married their king. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. My kid had sex with your honor student. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole. I'm just driving this way to piss you off. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. I love cats ... they taste just like chicken Keep honking, I'm reloading. Hang up and drive. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Lord save me from your followers. Guns don't kill people, postal workers do. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. Cats... the other white meat. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT! Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you. When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal! Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He/She who laughs last thinks slowest Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home. So Many Pedestians.... So Little Time! Keep Honking I'm Reloading! D.A.R.E. to keep Cops Off Donuts (Donut And Retudity Elimination) Mean People Suck, Nice People Swallow Support your local Brewery. GET IN, SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, HANG ON! Time is what keeps things from happening all at once I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Yur kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot! Few women admit their age, few men act it. I don't suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. Forget about world peace...visualize using your turn signal. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. 3 kinds of prople: those who can count and those who can't. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie!"...till you can find a rock. I like you but i wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles. Wanted: meaningful overnight relationship. I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Don't take life too seriously: you're not getting out alive, anyway. I got a gun for my wife. Best trade i ever made. Jesus may love you, but he won't respect you in the morning. Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer. I need someone really bad... Are you really bad? To all you virgins... Thanks for nothing. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. My kid had sex with your honor student. If something goes without saying, let it! Help wanted -- telepathy: you know where to apply. I don't have to be dead to donate my organ. Want it? Warning! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. God loves stupid people. That's why he made so many. I said "no" to drugs... But they just wouldn't listen. When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the irs. Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down. When there's a will, i want to be in it! Warning: dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump, and spill your drink. Elvis is dead, and i'm not feeling so marvelous myself. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Very funny, scotty... Now beam down my clothes! Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
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